Hello folks. We made it. This is how it went down.

I slept horribly Tuesday night – woke up at 1:30 and the last time I looked at the clock it was 3:00a.m. – because apparently becoming a mother has increased my worrying abilities tenfold. I woke up thinking about how the plane trip was going to be, envisioning all of the possible scenarios with Claire: how and if she would sleep on our laps, how she’d deal with not being in her crib for her usual hour and a half nap, how loud her crying would sound in an enclosed space and how strangers would react, how her ears would deal with the cabin pressure, if she’d get sick with the recycled plane air and the ubiquitous coughing of strangers, etc., etc., etc. It was ridiculous. So when 6:00a.m. rolled around I was not very well rested.

We got up, showered, ate breakfast, and were ready to roll out the door with our luggage when one of the fur children made one last attempt to keep us home. The cats hate it when we leave them alone – they thrive on our attention and on the routine of life as they know it (eat, poop, sleep on Mom’s lap, eat, poop, sleep on Dad’s lap, etc.). So Neville pulled a fast one on us. With my purse on my shoulder and Claire waiting by the door in her car seat, Huz says, “what’s wrong with Neville’s lip?” I stooped down to see what he meant and saw that Neville’s black lips were bulging. My first reaction was, “Neville! We don’t have time for lip tumors!” but then I wondered if maybe he had a string wrapped around his lip making it swollen. Huz held him by the scruff of the neck so that I could examine it and we realized that there was something alive attached to his bottom lip. “What the hell is that!?” I grabbed a tissue and had to pull the bug (tick? spider? beetle?) off which was no easy feat because it was really attached and then ran and flushed it then headed out the door traumatized. (You know how when people tell you a story about bugs crawling on them or children having lice and you get all icked out and itchy? It was like that.) I have no idea what it was but now I’m worried it was a tick or a poisonous spider and that I’ll have a dead cat when I get home. Oy.

I couldn’t stop laughing about it last night when I was retelling the tale to my Mom and sister, though. They decided it was the crazy antics of a teenage cat trying to rebel because we were leaving him at home. My sister likened it to a tatoo or a lip piercing and said that when I pulled it off of him he was like, “Oh man! My mom pulled the lip bug off and I just had it done, God!” I laughed so hard I was crying – it was clear that I was tired and that 2 glasses of booze go quickly to one’s head at this altitude.

The plane ride went very well. Claire was a champ in the airport as we waited for the plane and she flirted with all the passersby. She cried a bit at take off while I tried to get her to nurse under the annoying nursing cover that she didn’t want on her face (this crying lasted less than 2 minutes, long enough for me to hear a snide “use Benadryl!” comment from behind me. Bite me. Pump narcotics into your own child for no reason; I’ll keep mine sober, thanks). She calmed down and fell asleep nursing and had a 30 minute nap (not long enough, but it’ll do) until she woke with a start unsure of where she was. During that 30 minute nap my bladder took on new proportions within my pelvis, rendering me desperate for a bathroom. Of course I was completely stuck, my right arm asleep under the 18 pound weight of my sleeping baby, and my knees pressing into each other in a desperate attempt to hold it in. I nearly thought I’d have 2 diapers to change at the end of the flight. Luckily (for me, not her) someone coughed rather loudly and she woke up, freeing me to pass her to Huz and to do the potty dance down the aisle.

The row behind us was filled with 50-something Stampin’ Up fanatics that were going to a stamping convention in Salt Lake. (They actually have conventions for these things?) All they could talk about was, oh my god did you see the new desert rose card stock, it goes so well with the brown and all you do is stamp here, punch out this part here, use the 6×6 paper and then the 8.5×11 paper and then print the numbers out on your computer, what font do you use, whatever one looks best, oh my god that is so great i’m totally going to copy you, when I have my stamping parties I used to serve snacks but it was costing me a fortune so now I just serve water and get profit from the sales of the stamps, I never watch t.v., just golf and football and Jon and Kate Plus 8, because all I want to do is stamp…stamp….stamp…stamp.

Shut.Up.About.The.Damn.Stamping.

I make my own cards on occasion too, folks, but this? This was over the top stamping enthusiasm. They were even stamping during the flight.

We had a rough night as Claire didn’t nap even close to as much as she normally does yesterday and she kept waking up screaming because of being in a new place, but we’ve got her back on schedule today (she’s napping as I type) so we hope for a nice, long sleep tonight.

In summary, I had nothing to worry about and should have slept on Tuesday night. We did fine.

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