Having a baby makes you spend money. Not only do diapers cost moolah (we pay $82 a month for diaper service), but you have to buy a second car. Okay, you don’t have to, but we did. Yep! We just got back from the Nissan dealer driving a brand new Versa (we got the sedan in gray). It’s an adorable little car that feels enormous inside compared to the Saturn. Now Claire’s car seat won’t be jammed up right between our shoulders because the backseat is uber roomy, as is the trunk. This is the first new car we’ve ever owned and we’re totally excited. It was in our price range, we got a great percentage rate on financing, plus I work with a faculty member whose husband works at Nissan and gave us a friends and family discount! Woohoo! Now Huz won’t be stuck at home all day long while watching Claire and I’m at work hogging our only car. This will make life much better for everyone.

I was telling Huz last night that it seems like forever ago that we were in our friend’s position – sitting in a hospital room with our brand new, tiny, pink bundle of joy in our arms. It feels long ago that we were in the soupy, hazy throes of sleeplessness – seeing the clock more times in a 24 hour period than I ever had before; when the date, day of the week, and time eluded me and had no bearing on my life; when every two hours I, with very sore nipples, was breastfeeding a crying baby. Our current sleep isn’t like it used to be – I go to bed at the ridiculous hour of 9:30p.m. so that I get enough sleep to function at work the next day, and I still wake once in the night to nurse (usually 4:00a.m.). But it’s light years from where we were only 12 weeks ago. I’m both grateful for this and sad too – sad because it means Claire is growing up and doing it quickly.

I definitely have conflicting feelings about this going back to work whilst mothering thing. On the one hand, I’m jealous that Huz gets to stay home with Claire, that he knows her better than me, that he gets to see her happy smiles every morning. On the other hand, I feel guilty that he has to stay home, possibly putting his PhD program back a year. A double-edged sword, that’s what it is. But, in the end, it’s both of us who are sacrificing things and we’re both totally willing to do it because Claire is worth every bit of compromise and sacrifice. She just is.

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