Let me just say that I do not want to be a single parent. Ever. For those of you who are? My hat is so off to you.

I survived my first day and night alone, but it wasn’t easy. I know it’s because I’m such a novice, but I notice that when I am on my own with Claire (and not at home), there’s an underlying sense of panic within me. I fear her screaming in public and me not being able to do the right thing to make her calm down. I fear being “that woman with the bratty kid” and everyone making a wide circle around me to avoid me and the ticking time bomb that is my precious little girl. She’s definitely a fusser lately and seems to want to be held constantly. As you can imagine, this gets really tiring and draining, especially when I’m by myself.

On to my two horror stories from yesterday (I know “horror” is a bit exaggerated, but still):

1. After dropping Huz off at the airport I decided I was starving (it was 1:00) and stopped at Sonic which is about 5 minutes from home. Claire was still sleeping in the car seat, so I thought getting an order to go would be no problem. Well, as soon as I turned off the car, she started to scream. I had no choice but to take her out of the car seat (which makes her scream even more) and feed her (it had been 2 hours or so, so she was legitimately hungry). I used the nursing cover in the front seat and my food order arrived. I put the cherry limeade in the cup holder and placed the bag of food on the floor, waiting for Claire to finish lunch before I drove home to eat mine. I was really thirsty (breastfeeding does that to a girl) and picked up my limeade for a taste. There was a key in the bottom of the cup holder that pierced right through the Styrofoam cup, causing it to pour out like a fountain everywhere and immediately fill the cup holder and the one next to it with the drink I so longed for. What a disgusting, sticky mess and here I am breastfeeding in a cramped car, starving, and thirsty as hell. I reached out and rang the bell to ask for another cup and lots of napkins, but they never came out to help me. I finally popped Claire off and put her back in the car seat and drove home with a sea of pink liquid sloshing just to my right and a ear-splitting, screaming baby in the back. That was NOT FUN.

2. My body has been acting up lately – must be the trauma of pregnancy-induced intestine rearrangement finally catching up to me or something. I went from the extreme of not being able to go at all to flood gates, if you get my drift. And, of course, this has to happen when Huz is gone and when Claire just wakes up screaming for dinner. So I did what any desperate mother would do, I nursed Claire while sitting on the potty. Lovely, ain’t it? Ugh.