We landed with a harsh bump on the O’Hare runway Thursday morning and wheeled our way to the jet ramp. After waiting for freakin’ EVER for our one checked bag to arrive, we took another freakin’ EVER to find the airport tram to the bus stop. So an hour after we landed we were finally on our way to Evanston where we would be unloading our stuff at a friend’s house. We boarded the Pace bus (route 250 for you curious locals) and were on our merry way.

About two stops after boarding, a 40-something woman with blonde hair pulled up in a pony tail got on. She looked totally normal and innocuous, other than the fact that she was wearing a sports bra and running shorts (not what I would wear on public transportation, but whatever) and carrying a gym bag. We had an uneventful ride for about 40 minutes and then the action began. The runner woman turned in her seat to open the gym bag on the seat next to her and pulled something black and stringy out. Curious, I strained my neck to see what she was doing. In shock I realized that she had pulled out a black G-string and was proceeding to pull it on over her gym shorts. I elbowed Huz in the ribs and told him to look. We watched as she pulled the G-string high over her hips and pushed the latex shorts a bit down to show some skin. We waited wondering if she was going to take the shorts off next. Instead, she took off her running shoes and pulled out some tall, black, patent leather boots and put them on. She rolled the top of the boots down and reached into her gym bag to get some hot pink garters which she placed over the rolled-down portion of her boots. Everyone in the bus was whispering and hiding their shocked smiles with their hands as we waited for what would come next. Unfortunately I cannot tell you how far Crazy Stripper Lady was going to go because our stop came at this point. We pulled the stop cord and gathered our bags and as I stepped off the bus to the curb, I looked back in shock at her and saw one of her legs fly straight up into the air while she held onto the pole.

Oh. My. God.

It was 1:00 in the afternoon on a THURSDAY, people! What was that!?!?! There aren’t any strip clubs in Evanston…was she making a house call and stretching on the way? What was with the running outfit? She didn’t LOOK like a stripper (read: not attractive, not voluptuous, not even curvy). I couldn’t stop shaking my head about it all day.

Welcome back to Chicago!!