I’ll probably get a bunch of, shall we say, un-wholesome people finding my blog from that title. (Oh, and to the perv who found me by googling “Vickie’s boobs” yesterday? Keep dreaming! You may read about my boobs here, but you’ll never see ’em. Suckah!) Anyway, I’m not talking about dildos (at least not in this post). I’m talking about intimacy with one’s own mouth.

Admit it, we’re all intimate with our mouths. When we get a popcorn kernel stuck in between them or a piece of parsley stuck in there, we know it immediately because something doesn’t feel right. I’m having that “not quite right” feeling right now. I just got back from the dentist who gave me my First Ever fillings. The only time I had a cavity before now was when I was a kid and I lost that tooth. I just had FOUR fillings. Two upper “six-year molars,” as the dentist said repeatedly so that I wouldn’t feel bad about having cavities. You know, like I should be proud that my molars lasted 24 years without any cavities. Hmm. I guess I do feel proud about that. So STUFF IT you holier than thou, I’ve never had a cavity before punks!

Ahem.

I also had two tiny ones on my lower molars (little “pre-cavity” pits on the side of my teeth that I’ve been watching for the last few years).

Now my mouth feels funny. My teeth aren’t smooth and slick in those places anymore. They look fine because the fillings are white, but they feel weird. Like, my tongue is meeting resistance when sliding down the teeth.

Reminds me of a random childhood event. I was riding in the truck with my dad and we were both sucking on mints (you know the red and white ones from restaurants) and he told me that if you prop the mint (vertically) between your tongue and your bottom front teeth, then slide your tongue on the top of your little teeth, they felt really weird. Nothing about the teeth had changed of course, but your tongue’s perspective had totally changed.

Sorry tongue, no new perspective for you this time. Just some rough-feeling fillings on a used-to-be-proud-that-I-never-had-any-cavities-as-an-adult-punk.

Sigh

That’s all.

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