When I was in highschool, I had this Biology teacher who I really liked. He was funny, sarcastic, and a bit crass (always a winning combination in my book). I remember this one class where he was in a particularly jovial mood and the subject of boobs came up (don’t ask me how!). He passed on a little boob wisdom that I have yet to forget. The first was that the way to know you need a bra is to see if your breasts can hold up a pencil (I know, I know, the guy would be sued today, but this was back in the pre-sue-happy day). If your boobs can hold up a pencil on their own, you need to wear a bra, he claimed. Well, I’ve always been on the large side in that general area, so I laughed at him knowing that when I tried it at home that night I would certainly be able to hold up a measly little pencil. Needless to say, I did it without a problem.

Look Ma no hands!

In fact, I could hold up several pencils with ease. I told him the next day that I did indeed need to wear a bra because I could hold up an entire pack of number two pencils with my sisters. He laughed so hard that he turned beet red (embarrassed perhaps?).

The other thing he taught me about boobs is that the so-called perfect shape is supposed to be able to fit into a champagne glass. Um, I don’t know about you, but that sounds a little skinny and long for my taste. Maybe that’s decent for an eighty year old, but come on, no pre-geriatric woman I know wants a long and skinny boob! Maybe he wasn’t a wine drinker and meant to say a Burgundy glass, I don’t know.

This I can understand.

wine

But this!?

champagne flutes

And wouldn’t boobs this shape be interesting!?

square

[Upon further research, I have discovered that there is a difference between a champagne GLASS and a champagne FLUTE! ha ha! No wonder I thought that was messed up! Here’s an interesting article about this whole breast/champagne glass legend.]

In other boob news, it’s been really hot and humid in Chicago this week (God’s just getting me ready for our move to Tennessee, I guess) and I’ve decided that I officially HATE sweating in the boob region. I don’t know about you, but I think it’s gross having pooled sweat in between the sisters and the wire that supports them. I also hate having sweat on my upper lip. Thank God we’re getting central air in our new place.

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